Comments on: Vacation Recovery http://susanstevenson.com/blog/2008/07/july15/ The thoughts and photography of Susan L Stevenson Thu, 17 May 2012 23:53:34 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: Brother Mike http://susanstevenson.com/blog/2008/07/july15/#comment-182 Brother Mike Wed, 30 Jul 2008 04:32:18 +0000 http://susanstevenson.com/blog/?p=24#comment-182 Sue, Enjoyed our talk at 11:11 tonight.You know what I mean. I don't want to go to sleep tonight, because when I wake up, I'll be taking my honey home to die. It hurts just to write it. She fought the good fight for 8 long years, and never gave in. It was, in fact, the doctor who gave in this time, telling us there is nothing more that he can do. Never once did she shy away from any treatments, as devastating and brutal they were. Cancer treatments are still so prehistoric. The cancer has now spread from her breast to her liver, lungs, brain, bone , and adrenal gland, not to mention whatever other parts of her body that have not been CT scanned, MRI ed, poked, or prodded. I've been with her at the hospital for the time that she's spent here this time around, so when I get home, I'll be sleeping in our bed for the first time, without her. I remember as a kid, hearing the adults talk about what a "heartache" it was to lose a loved one. I now realize that the heartache is actually a tangible and very real sensation. My heart is actually breaking, and it literally hurts. Thankfully, St. Mary medical center is an awesome hospital, and had a social worker take care of the logistics involved in moving my Honey to our house, to live out her final days. They told me on Sunday that she has a "few weeks" left, but, by the looks of things, and her rapid deterioration, I'd be surprised if she's still with us this time next week. Three days ago she was sitting up, eating and laughing with her two nieces from Ocean City, who came up to see her. Now, she can't eat, has had 2 seizures, and is completely without feeling down her entire right side of her body. The most devastating effect of the brain metastasis though, is that she can no longer communicate her thoughts, because one of the tumors is in her speech center. She can hear and understand, and can think complete thoughts, but can't put into words what is on her mind. So very frustrating for both of us. Tonight, the Hospital Clergy came and anointed her with oil, reading her her last rights. I cried like a baby. Its those moments that remind me that this is all too real, and not just a bad dream.I guess her strength, and putting on a good face through all that she's been through, lulled me into a false sense of normalcy. Her latest condition is a real reality check. To this point, as late as 5:00 tonight, she was able to drink from a straw, to take the meds in pill form, that weren't flowing through her chest port(which she's had to live with for thpast 8 years).Now, even that simple ability is gone...No response to the straw being laid against her lips; the same lips that gave tender kisses last week. Well, its 12:20 AM here, and the big move is tomorrow. Katie and Maggie, our two dogs, haven't seen "Mommy" in over two weeks. I'm sure there's going to be lots of licking going on. Katie, our Yorkie, found Lisa's cancer 8 years ago, sniffing incessantly at her underarm, until she forced Lisa to take a look at the area that Katie found so interesting. That's when she found the lump. Katie was also there with Lisa, every second of every day that she was bedridden, after the first round of Adriomycen and Cytoxen, the 2 chemo agents were administered...Chemo agents that are so caustic that the nurses wear two sets of gloves, for fear of getting chemical burns on their skin, from mere contact...so primitive. It literally causes the patient's eyes to cross, when first administered, like something out of nazi Germany prison camp "medical tests"... There's got to be a better way. Well, I've rambled long enough. Sue, I'll be looking for that Dove tomorrow, I'm going to need him, Love Brother Mike Sue, Enjoyed our talk at 11:11 tonight.You know what I mean.
I don’t want to go to sleep tonight, because when I wake up, I’ll be taking my honey home to die. It hurts just to write it. She fought the good fight for 8 long years, and never gave in. It was, in fact, the doctor who gave in this time, telling us there is nothing more that he can do. Never once did she shy away from any treatments, as devastating and brutal they were. Cancer treatments are still so prehistoric.
The cancer has now spread from her breast to her liver, lungs, brain, bone , and adrenal gland, not to mention whatever other parts of her body that have not been CT scanned, MRI ed, poked, or prodded.
I’ve been with her at the hospital for the time that she’s spent here this time around, so when I get home, I’ll be sleeping in our bed for the first time, without her.
I remember as a kid, hearing the adults talk about what a “heartache” it was to lose a loved one. I now realize that the heartache is actually a tangible and very real sensation. My heart is actually breaking, and it literally hurts.
Thankfully, St. Mary medical center is an awesome hospital, and had a social worker take care of the logistics involved in moving my Honey to our house, to live out her final days. They told me on Sunday that she has a “few weeks” left, but, by the looks of things, and her rapid deterioration, I’d be surprised if she’s still with us this time next week. Three days ago she was sitting up, eating and laughing with her two nieces from Ocean City, who came up to see her. Now, she can’t eat, has had 2 seizures, and is completely without feeling down her entire right side of her body. The most devastating effect of the brain metastasis though, is that she can no longer communicate her thoughts, because one of the tumors is in her speech center. She can hear and understand, and can think complete thoughts, but can’t put into words what is on her mind. So very frustrating for both of us.
Tonight, the Hospital Clergy came and anointed her with oil, reading her her last rights. I cried like a baby. Its those moments that remind me that this is all too real, and not just a bad dream.I guess her strength, and putting on a good face through all that she’s been through, lulled me into a false sense of normalcy. Her latest condition is a real reality check.
To this point, as late as 5:00 tonight, she was able to drink from a straw, to take the meds in pill form, that weren’t flowing through her chest port(which she’s had to live with for thpast 8 years).Now, even that simple ability is gone…No response to the straw being laid against her lips; the same lips that gave tender kisses last week.
Well, its 12:20 AM here, and the big move is tomorrow. Katie and Maggie, our two dogs, haven’t seen “Mommy” in over two weeks. I’m sure there’s going to be lots of licking going on. Katie, our Yorkie, found Lisa’s cancer 8 years ago, sniffing incessantly at her underarm, until she forced Lisa to take a look at the area that Katie found so interesting. That’s when she found the lump. Katie was also there with Lisa, every second of every day that she was bedridden, after the first round of Adriomycen and Cytoxen, the 2 chemo agents were administered…Chemo agents that are so caustic that the nurses wear two sets of gloves, for fear of getting chemical burns on their skin, from mere contact…so primitive. It literally causes the patient’s eyes to cross, when first administered, like something out of nazi Germany prison camp “medical tests”… There’s got to be a better way.
Well, I’ve rambled long enough. Sue, I’ll be looking for that Dove tomorrow, I’m going to need him, Love Brother Mike

]]> By: Another Susan http://susanstevenson.com/blog/2008/07/july15/#comment-136 Another Susan Fri, 18 Jul 2008 14:46:15 +0000 http://susanstevenson.com/blog/?p=24#comment-136 So very sorry to hear about your SIL. I'm sure its at times like these you find it harder to be so far away. I'm looking forward on catching up on your recent travels!! It's kind of like candy..I save your entries and then one evening when the little ones are snuggled in bed.. I get out my "candy"- that would be your journal ;).. and a cup of pre-ground Starbucks I keep on hand for those special moments.. and get reading! I'm not at all surprised you had a nice check waiting for you! Someday, Steve will be quitting his job to help keep up the demand for your work! :) Hope you can get some rest. So very sorry to hear about your SIL. I’m sure its at times like these you find it harder to be so far away.

I’m looking forward on catching up on your recent travels!! It’s kind of like candy..I save your entries and then one evening when the little ones are snuggled in bed.. I get out my “candy”- that would be your journal ;).. and a cup of pre-ground Starbucks I keep on hand for those special moments.. and get reading!

I’m not at all surprised you had a nice check waiting for you! Someday, Steve will be quitting his job to help keep up the demand for your work! :)

Hope you can get some rest.

]]> By: Carmen and Gip Moore http://susanstevenson.com/blog/2008/07/july15/#comment-135 Carmen and Gip Moore Thu, 17 Jul 2008 20:05:13 +0000 http://susanstevenson.com/blog/?p=24#comment-135 Praying for your SIL, Susan! I know it is terribly difficult for your brother and their children. We have a good friend in Anchorage going through the very same thing. Congratulations on the sales of your photographs and your note cards! I never doubted the sales! You are one of few that captures the essence of the scenes you photograph. Sorry Steve didn't get a King when he was here. Hopefully he will get one next time he comes. Praying for your SIL, Susan! I know it is terribly difficult for your brother and their children. We have a good friend in Anchorage going through the very same thing.

Congratulations on the sales of your photographs and your note cards! I never doubted the sales! You are one of few that captures the essence of the scenes you photograph.

Sorry Steve didn’t get a King when he was here. Hopefully he will get one next time he comes.

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