Living in Alaska - Life in the Last Frontier

Length of visible light is less than 11 hours per day now. Actual length of day is nine hours. The darkness creeps up on us gradually in September, but in October and November, it seems to be a sprint toward darkness.  I find myself surprised when I leave dance class at 6:30 and the sun is already below the horizon. When did that happen?

For me, the darkness is the worst part about living in Interior Alaska.  Even though the cold can limit activities, I don’t have as much of a problem coping with below zero temps. I have adequate gear, although I’m always in search of a better pair of gloves that will keep my hands warm and still allow me the dexterity to use the controls on my camera. I think I have about 7 sets of gloves. Steve is even more particular. I believe he owns about 15 sets of gloves.  Fingertips are usually the first thing to get cold when the arctic air blows in.

But back to the dark…

If you’re a regular reader of mine, you know that I suffer from S.S.A.D. - Subsyndromal Seasonal Affective Disorder. SSAD is a milder form of SAD.  Seasonal Affective Disorder is sometimes referred to as the “winter blues”. There are various symptoms of SAD. One of the symptoms is a desire to sleep all the time. However, a small percentage of people - myself included - suffer the reverse when the light goes away. I get insomnia.

The insomnia has been occurring more frequently over the last few weeks. I find myself still up at 2am or 3am  or even as late/early as 6am.  Then I fall into bed exhausted, only to sleep 4-5 hours before waking again.  Surprisingly, the 4-5 hours is enough to make me feel rested. But after a few days with this schedule, it eventually catches up to me.  When it does, I’m in bed before 10pm, and I sleep a full 8 to 10 hours.  And then it starts all over again.

This winter, I’m going to try supplementing my diet with Vitamin D tablets.  I bought a big bottle of them, but unfortunately, I forget to take them unless I happen to look up on top of the fridge and see them there.  I need to keep them down at eye level, so I’ll remember.  I’ve also read that melatonin can help to get body rhythms back on track, but several times in the past, taking melatonin before bed has caused me to have very scary dreams.  I’d rather be tired than wake from nightmares.  I’ve tried “Sleepy Time” tea. I’ve tried going to bed at a set time each night.  But even if I happen to fall asleep early, I’m often wide awake an hour or two later.

I’m also going to try to take advantage of the sun while it’s up. I’ve read that just spending 20 minutes outdoors each day, when the sun is shining, helps to keep body rhythms regulated.

But it’s not only the lack of light that brings on SAD. It’s the time of the year too. November and December are the hardest two months of the year for me.  The bombardment of commercials and print ads depicting Norman Rockwell holiday gatherings, make me miss my family - especially my parents.  I reminisce about big Thanksgiving dinners for 18 at my parents’ house, when we were all younger and our kids were little.  I remember Christmas Eve at my parents’ house, opening presents while Christmas music played in the background. There was always so much laughter and love. I miss them a lot.

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SEDONA

So many people emailed me and assured me that the pain would ease as each day passes, and that my happy memories of Sedona would gradually return. I’m relieved to report that they are - slowly. While there is still a soreness in my heart, I have been looking back through photos and remembering our wonderful adventures.

The night before last, I dreamed about Sedona. In my dream, we were walking around the yard and I was chatting with her (as I always did). Her tail was wagging and she had such a happy look on her face. She loved our walks. The dream was so real that I could even smell her fur when I bent down and hugged her! And then I woke up - at 4am - missing her more than ever.  But still I thought it was wonderful that Sedona came for a visit. I enjoyed it. I just wish it could have gone on for longer.

Yesterday, Steve picked up Sedona’s ashes. We had a private cremation for her. There was also a clay paw print that the vet office made for us. Her name is etched into the clay next to the print. I have a box ready for her ashes and the paw print. I’m also going to put her collar and her ball in the box. I think I’ll put her rabies tag on my key chain.  The top of the box has a place for her photo.

I sure do miss my baby girl. *sigh*

THE WHITE STUFF

The landscape is white. Unless we were to warm up sufficiently, it’s not going anywhere. This is definitely *IT*. As always, I’m excited to see the change in the landscape. I do love freshly fallen snow and the way it covers the dead leaves and makes everything look like a Christmas card.

I also love hoarfrost, and the way the spikes of frost add a magical quality to dead vegetation.  A few days ago, Steve and I were out running errands and I noticed frost on the plants at the gas station. While he filled the tank, I gingerly made my way across the slippery parking lot and snapped a few photos.

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There won’t be any photographs in this entry. While I have snapped a few photos over the last few days, my heart just hasn’t been in going out with my camera. It’s hard to see my beautiful surroundings through eyes clouded with tears.

I want to thank you all for the great outpouring of comfort and sympathy. Your words mean so much to me. My heart aches for all of you who have had to go through such a sad time. This was my first time ever having to make such a heart-wrenching decision. I knew I loved my girl, but I had no clue how deeply the pain was going to settle in my heart. She is so greatly missed. Even our beloved cat, Airborne, has been walking around the house in a daze. I know she misses her fur-sister too.

As the days pass, the tears aren’t coming as frequently, but of course my heart is still heavy with my loss. I’ve found myself looking at photos and video of Sedona, remembering some of our great times together. It’s sad, but I believe it’s a healing process too. Perhaps I will feel a little more closure when her ashes are returned to me sometime this week.  I already have a beautiful box to place her ashes, her collar, and her ball in. There’s a place for her photo on the top.

Again, thank you very much for the emails, messages, comments, and (those local) the phone calls.  It has been a blessing having Steve home this week on his 7-days off. He has been a great comfort to me, and has even managed to drag me out of the house with him, which I also needed.

In time, I hope to be able to open my heart and my home to another canine furkid. There will never be a replacement for my Sedona, but I know my life would be empty without another dog to take for walks, or play ball with, or share my adventures with.

So thank you, my friends and readers, for reaching out to me with your comforting words. And thank you for sharing your stories with me. Sedona is playing with lots of wonderful dogs and cats over the rainbow bridge.

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We’ve got snow! Not sure if this is THE snow - the one that sticks around all winter - but it sure does make the yard look pretty. There’s not much out there yet (a dusting), but it did turn the roads into a skating rink in places. Time to re-learn winter driving. There were cars in ditches up on the Richardson Highway. Don’t worry about me. I’m the old lady in the right hand lane doing 30mph when it’s slippery!

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Friday night is the Artists for Autism Fundraiser at The Grange in North Pole. If you’re local, I hope you’ll stop by and say hello.  Sure would be nice to see friend’s faces out there! The show is from 5-9pm. Grange Hall is located at .5 mile Grange Rd. (Take the road between NP Middle School and rail tracks and follow the signs.)

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Many thanks to all of you who have pre-ordered a calendar! I will be taking pre-orders until Sunday evening, and then will be in contact with you regarding payment and shipping information. If you’re interested in ordering a calendar, email me at susan@susanstevenson.com. You can preview the calendar at this link.

Until next time…